Warrior… erm… Princess

By the Severn turns of Hell how did I end up here? There is no way I can survive this, just no way, I’m gripping a slimy moss covered rock with precarious footing at the top of a white water channel with a rather nasty drop below into a plunge pull of jagged rocks!

Eeek it’s going to get me… and I’ve just gotten my sword stuck in the head of a savage semi human demi-god beast thing with the breath of a thousand rotting summers. It’s thrashing an awful lot, I don’t think that blow has killed it. I need to shift my weight and then, yes! Lets hope this works, and up we go! Oh my I am actually running up a monster with too many teeth to escape the water fall of doom, I bet my dance teacher wasn’t thinking of this sort of thing when she showed me how to use my own arm and pull and weight to flip myself regardless of what my partner was doing.

And breath. Yes it hurts, it burns and that funny fizzing sensation, damn I think I’ve fractured something – like a rib or three. Hmmm my arms and legs are bleeding in new places but I am pretty much out of clothing to rip into bandages, unless I want to prance around the country side naked and I think some how that will have it’s own dangers and I’ve gone and lost my sword, it’s still stuck in that deamon’s head. Still I do have that bow that nice man from the mountains help me make, I wonder which way home is, if only I had payed attention more I could have learned how to navigate, instead I know useless stuff about who ruled whom a thousand years ago.

Father must be so worried by now, I am surprised I haven’t been picked up by his Royal Guard, either I am outside of our Royal domain which was sort of where I was headed or… hmmm something horrible has happend to home. I think I’ll stick with the first option.

So it’s been what 2 weeks since my entourage was highjacked and in that time I have escaped from the bandits, slept in a bear cave narrowly escaping the bears when I awoke, found a mountain village and made a bow and stole some arrows after an unfortunate run in with that priest, been almost sacrificed by a weird death cult, the result of which was I ended up with a ceremonial sword which I have since lost in a part human demi-god demon on the water falls after a hair raising chase over rope bridges.

I am tired and I would like to go home to my nice soft bed and tutors who wrap your knuckles with a ruler when you do something stupid.

Everything they taught me is useless! Well except the poisons stuff that has been really useful like when that preist doped me and I knew to pouch the liquid in my cheeks and to get to his supplie of onnasts as quickly as possible and oh! the dancing of course. But I don’t know what’s edible, what’s not, the farmer taught me how to make a shelter and a fire but I don’t have the resources he had, this is different terrain.

I am also getting tired have I already said that? I need to rest and let the wounds heal. Father is not going to be pleased about those at all! I was supposed to be on my way to marry that Prince bet the deal will be off now, no one will want a scarred princess.

Is that a village? Cut into the hills? There are lights but I wonder how they will take a half naked, blood covered girl appearing? Hmmm well I will probably die out here on my own so I’d best find out.

Oh great it’s the skinny old guy with a beard you could hide a continent in, he’s all skin and bones and he’s grinning at me and rasping, oh that’s him talking? Well I missed the first bit, I’m what? prophesied?

‘No no I’m just lost!’

I have the bow of heaven? ‘But I just made this with a farmer I found,’ why is he nodding? Oh no he is getting up and he really isn’t wearing very much. Oh I’m to follow?

My what a big temple, I think this is bigger than the Palace’s. Where in the Sixth Circle of the Lesser Hells did those girls come from! Ah ladies in waiting, well I have missed those… bath? Did they say bath. Oh I like it here.

‘I need to find my way home…’ did he just say holy mission?

He did didn’t he, blood thirsty monsters? Perilous obstacles? Oh no how do I get out of this? I mean it sounds fun but I’m a Princess.

Oh my! Who is that? He really needs more clothing, I am blushing, no a fluttering, oh dear I will have to use the Princess voice to deal with this! I can’t possibly go haring off on holy missions. Oh the big guy he will be going with me?

‘Of course I will help you,’ did I really just say that?

Am I bowing to a scantily clad wizen mage and a muscle bound hero? Oh dear as long as I get some sleep and cloths and a new sword I suppose this is better than embroidery, though I quiet like stitching. Oh look a shiny sword! For me? Oh wow now that is pretty.

Oh and a big bed and… I am yawning. I will sleep and think on this in the morning.

One thing though there is no way they are calling me The Warrior Princess it just suggests leather to me… mind due I bet leather is better at deflecting sword strokes.

Posted: Friday, May 27th, 2011 @ 1:58 pm
Categories: Flash Fiction, Uncategorized.
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