Sneak Peaks

“But Officer it wasn’t my fault! Not really – it’s the fault of the publishing company. I mean it’s just inhumane what they do aint it? I gets to the end of me story and it was a real gripper, by me favourite author too and what do they do?

Theys put a sneak peak for his next novel in there and so Iz read it and then I haz to know what comes next right? So I goes to the shop, that fancy big book shop with the coffee place with the squishy seats that like eat ya right?

But guess what?! Their closed.

I know it was three o’clock in the morning but when I needs to read I needs to read! And I was in the grip of the story line – I was!

So I did what anyone would have done, me. I bashed in the window – or at least tried – I reakon it’s that tough bullet proof stuff cos the bin just bounce and hit that sculpture. That was sad that waz – I love that sculpture – its a bit of art a bit of culture innit?

Anyways I thoughts to me self well if you can break double glazing with a tap from a high heel then maybe that would work. So I took off me shoe and used the bin to hammer it, right ard it was too – Mashed me hand and everthink!

But it worked and the glass frosted and broke in a lovely flower pattern. It were so pretty I took a photo with me fone – look officer! Look at that!

But then there was all this like metal shuttering and this wailing fit to burst me ear drums was screeching all around, it’s amazing anyone could sleep through it! Though I don’t reckon many people sleep in bookshops!

I thought about the grill and I thought you know I bet it aint any arder than wood and it’s thinish so I took out me loppers and lopped it and the metal curtain just sort of fell away in a clutter. I looked round as I heard sum shouting and was worried that some thugs might be out and about but it was this crowd of people all watching me – they waz saying stuff but I couldn’t understand them cos of the noise right?

Anyways I walks into the shop and the screeching is worse and there were lights flashing and I thinks blimey! Their alarm systems a bit faulty anyone would think they were being broken into!

And then I saw the book but as I headed towards the damn thing this guy who turned out to be you tackled me. So I bite you and struggled free and then Iz got the book and was putting the money on the counter when you grabbed me again officer!

See it’s all a miss understanding really but that’s ok as yous gave me a lovely room to read me new book in, smells a bit funny I think it needs a hose down or somthink? Thanks for the tea as well by the way.

Just to let you know – it has the first chapter of the next book in it so I’ll be going to the book shop again shortly ok?”

Posted: Friday, June 15th, 2012 @ 9:43 pm
Categories: Flash Fiction.
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5 Responses to “Sneak Peaks”

  1. marc nash Says:

    Ha, loved the idea of this. My worst experience was the first chapter of Jo nesbo’s book “The Leopard” appearing in his previous one “The Snowman” which I loved. I bought it but didn’t read it for several months. When I did read it, that first chapter was the only decent one in the whole book!

    With the character’s language, I’m not sure they would be so poetic & lyrical about the glass frosting like a flower? Otherwise I thought this totally worked

  2. admin Says:

    the language pattern is based on how I used to speak as a teen when I wrote my most flowery poetry and was the most obsessed with books 🙂 I chose it because people always think you don’t like books if you don’t speak propa!

    It’s a shame The Leopard didn’t stand up to the reading 🙁 I hate that.

    Thanks for the comment


  3. Steve Green Says:

    Wow! That is an awfully powerful “Need to read”.

    I think the girl needs to get herself a kindle, I think all the bookshop owners in the district might breathe a little easier if she did too, knowing their windows will probably still be there in the morning. 🙂

  4. ganymeder Says:

    Ahhhh, I know what she means. sigh

    hehehe, good oned! I liked the humor and the speech pattern.

  5. ~Tim Says:

    “…when I needs to read I needs to read!” I know exactly what that’s like, but I’ve never had to go to such extremes. Nice one.

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