Time For a Walk

October 13th, 2011

The weekend – Mandy had been waiting for the weekend, it was the only thought that had kept her going throughout the week. They where going to lay the new floor in the kitchen after the flood had destroyed the old one. The last year had been frought with disasters, first her illness during the pregnancy (thank god the baby had been fine), then the continued ill health and the move. Lots of things had been broken thanks to helpful friends and relatives but how could she say she was ungrateful for their help?

No job to go back to, she had missed too much time so money had been tight, now however things were improving even if the inlaws hated her and they seemed to be under some sort of curse.

Even if they suspected the voodoo doll with the fine chocolate brown hair in the MIL’s possession. A ‘priestess’ who had estranged her own son because of his wife. Mandy sighed none of that mattered they were together they wouldn’t starve and they had a beautiful son.

Mandy’s postnatal depression and post traumatic stress were almost forgotten in the golden rays floating in the window, she stretched in the snugly bed, ‘so what first?’ asked Bill.

‘B&Q to get those missing tools’ he said.

‘I wonder if they got left in the shed during the move?’ she said, seeing the smile slip from her hubby’s face she regretted mentioning it. ‘I’m sorry’ she whispered.

‘It’s ok I just feel I let you down I forgot to pack so much stuff, the bbq and hose pipe…’ ‘It doesn’t matter, you did what you could, I’m amazed anything got packed at all!’ They laughed a bit tensely, this sort of talk had the possibility of plunging her into self loathing.

‘Anyway we need to feed the cats and the baby first,’ she said with excitement, ‘I’ll get brekki you wake the kraken and change her nappy!’

Happily dreaming of their home coming together, Mandy hurried down the stairs, a little black and white kitten sat on the bottom stair, mewing at her approach. ‘Morning Mercury’ she said. The kittens where an effort on Bill’s part to cheer her up with the enforced homeness of her life. The kitten mewed guility at her, ‘ what’s wrong?’ she asked then saw the shreds of her morning post on the door matt. ‘Ah kittens!’ she exclaimed, oh well probably not to bad just a few bills or something.

She scooped them up and put them on the table, rushing back to the kitchen she prepeared their morning meal.

A sparkly eyed baby complete with loving coos arrived waving her chubby little hands, ‘mmamama.’ She gurgled. Mandy smiled, they set the babe in her highchair and then placed her brekki in front of her, half way through feeding her they became distracted by the opening of the shredded letters,

‘What!’ Bill almost screamed.

‘Whats wrong?’ Bill was a calm guy something must be wrong.

‘This can’t be right! Look at this.’ He handed her an electricity bill for over £1000.

‘No,’ she said in shock and sat down.

‘Hun you did phone them and get them to change the tariff didn’t you?’ Mandy looked at him non-plussed.

‘What tariff?’

‘Oh no!’ he almost sobbed.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said now very unhappy.

A squeal of delight caught her attention just as the bolw of milky cereal was hurled across their living room/dinner, she shouted but the bowl moved in slow motion as it pirouetted through the air artfully spray painting and arch of milky goo over everything. Closing her eyes and praying for strength she went to the cupboard. ‘Bad baby!’ came bills voice behind her.

Wearily she reached into the cupboard under the sink for the cleaning supplies, ‘what the…’ came her startled voice, ‘Bill its all wet under the sink again!’ she was near hysteria, ‘I thought he’d fixed this!’

Bill came jogging into the kitchen.

‘Can you see where its leaking from?’

Half and hour latter and they had the water switched off and the plumbing in pieces again! The baby was wailing and now the carpet and trod in cerial and would need a proper shampooing.

‘I can’t take much more of this Bill.’ She said quietly.

‘I know,’ Bill said he was angry but she knew it wasn’t at her, he thought his mother was cursing them and blamed himself, as for her she didn’t really think it could be voodoo, she hoped.

‘Lets go get some lunch out and some rubber seals aswell as those tools though will have to wait for the floor to dry again.’

She started nodding, ‘erm, actually Bill we can’t get the tools,’ she blushed, ‘we need the kitchen money to pay the electricity bill.’ He sighed, ‘I’d forgotten that, but it wont be all the kitchen money so we can start we just wont have the whole amount.’ She nodded agreement – she really wanted a nice working kitchen.

‘I think I’m going to have to have a walk after all this Bill,’ he nodded she had loved hiking before the pregnancy and had been really down as crutches and styles don’t really mix, but that was over now and she took her walks when and were she could, they were her gentle exercise and her alone time. They were a life line for her as were the weekends with Bill. The crutches were gone now and she was determined to make the most of her mobility.

The little car stood on the drive waiting for them, it was her mothers, there’s had died a death and was currently being fixed. Baby secured they were off, except they only got to the top of the road, ‘We’re over heating!’ Came Bills incredulous voice.

‘Are we low on water?’ Mandy asked him

‘We shouldn’t be unless we have a leak.’ They both looked at each other fearing the worst.

‘If it’s the engine blocks cracked the cars so much scrap!’ she wailed.

‘Yeah but surely it’ll just be a rubber hose,’ he said doubtfully. He hit the dash board, ‘this is too many things! Too many things keep going wrong’

They walked back to the house, Mandy’s dad was coming to rescue the car via B&Q to get what they needed. A guilty looking kitten sat on the door matt mewing at them, ‘what you done this time Tungsten?.’ Mandy asked. Tungsten wasn’t quiet house trained yet so she had a quick hunt but to no avail.

‘Hi Mandy hun!’ her Dad called as he came up the drive waving his tool kit.

‘Thanks dad sorry to call you out again, it’s a different thing leaking this time!’ she laughed because it was that or cry.

She left him to it as she settled the Kraken down for her afternoon nap, so much for the nice relaxing weekend of DIY they had planed. As she came out of the baby’s room Bill stood there looking solom.

‘You dads very sad,’ he started, ‘he knocked over that glass vase you won, you know the one that sits on the window sill.’ He looked pale as if he’s got the shot straw in telling her. ‘It’s er in pieces.’

She looked at him, and then rushed to see the damage, finding the kittens misdamenear on route, she slipped on it hitting her head on the fall down the stairs. She swore, and in tears was help to her room to change and clean up.

Her headache began to ease, she put on her hicking boots, grabbed her daysack, water bottle and camera, stormed past the carnage of her kitchen and living room, ‘I’m sorry love,’ came her dad’s voice.

‘Hey Mandy what you doing hun,’ came Bill’s voice.

‘Get your ‘preist’ person in to un-voodoo us Bill I don’t care how silly it all sounds, your right, now however, now it is time for a walk!’

e-mail

October 6th, 2011

Matt: 16:34 16/03/02

Hello,

Are you the Alice I met last Friday?

Sorry if you’re not!

Matt

Alice: 17:03 16/03/02

Yep wow how did u find me?

Matt: 17:12 16/03/02

I remembered your name and looked it up on the uni website

Hope you don’t mind I just wanted to say sorry for Monday.

Alice: 17:47 16/03/02

No I don’t mind – wow that’s cool I probably wouldn’t have thought of that to find u and it should be me apologising after all she is my friend!

Matt: 09:10 17 17/03/02

Not your fault.

It was embarrassing though, lets never be in the same room as Trish ever again! You wouldn’t be able to find me the same way – I’m at work remember * sticks toungue out *

Alice: 10:02 17/03/02

Hehehe

It was very embarrassing but she means well. I wasn’t running away from you by the way it was just that I’ve been ill recently and Trish wouldn’t let me leave until u had turned up!

Sorry if you thought I was * blushing tomato *

Matt: 10:05 17/03/02

Oh – yeah no worries I did think you might have been upset because of Emma but that’s makes more sense.

Hope your ok now

Matt

Alice:12:06 17/03/02

Emma seems nice, how long have you two been together?

Matt: 14: 13 17/03/02

She asked me out on Wednesday.

Alice: 12:08 18/03/02

Was she very upset by Trish’s hashed attempt at match making?

I just wanted to disappear when then pushed u into that empty seat next to me and then she pushed us together!

Matt:

She wasn’t too pleased no, but its ok now.

Yeah I felt really awkward but I wanted to say hi to you anyway.

Alice:

Sorry it caused you problems

Matt:

No its fine really, hows your course and stuff going anyway?

Matt

Alice:

Badly and now I have to have an operation too : (

Matt:

That sucks, when you going in perhaps I could come and see you?

Matt

Matt:

Hello?

Are you still alive?

I haven’t heared anything from you in three months, I was just wondering how the op went?

Matt

Alice:

Yeah I’m ok, been in the middle of exams.

I’m still going through the 600 emials that built up whilst I was in hospital and on top of that I’ve found out my course wont let me do my summer placement due to medical reasons : ( so I have to spend the summer here in London instead of in Greece * sigh *

Matt:

Eeek!

Not good!

What about Trish and co?

Alice:

They’re all still going : (

Matt:

I was going past uni today to put a new server in and I thought of you in there playing in the lab!

Alice:

Playing!

Hehehe – I’m bored, really bored I was in the lab until 9 last night and everybody else is away on holiday or on placement, even the lectures are away checking on all the placements.

Matt:

Doesn’t sound good

You need to socialise more!

Alice:

Hehehe

Yes I know I think I forgot how to actually speak yesturday. Mum phoned me and I just moved my fingers as if typing instead of saying anything! I actually had to think how to talk!!!

Matt:

Not good you really need to meet up with someone in the physical!

Alice:

Yeah well – I get to go on holiday for two weeks soon : )

Matt:

Anywhere nice?

Alice:

To Greece to meet up with the others and to see where I should have spent the summer!

Matt:

Have fun!

Alice:

Hi long time no hear!

How are you, I had a great holiday and am excited about final year! I get to have proper options this year : )

Matt:

Hi!

As in topics you actually want to do rather than generic stuff?

Alice:

Yep

Though this year is already starting to look hectic and its not even the end of the first week yet! I’m working at the Student Union and doing Theatre Soc! So I’m going to be in that building nearly every night! Plus I need to write up my final year project.

Hows things with u?

Matt:

It was nice seeing you at the Pub Quiz even if you did have to run back to rehearsals again!

Whats the show again?

Do you have rehearsals ever Tuesday?

Alice:

It’s the Rocky Horror Picture show – I’m going to b in fishnets : )

Yeah every Tuesday and Sundays during the day too!

Matt:

Fishnets? What really? I’ll have to come and see the show then! I’ll make a fortune if I video : )

Alice:

Thankyou for walking me home last night – I felt like such a muppet passing out at rehearsals like that. Even if Trisha made things awkward – again!

Matt:

No problem but you really need to go to the doctors about it, especially after all that op business.

Alice:

Yeah I know I have an appointment on Thursday – have to miss lectures : (

Matt:

Do you want to grab a pizza afterwards or something? I can’t come with you cos of work but you could tell me how it goes?

Alice:

Cool.

Space time coordinates?

Matt:

Hehe

At the Station for 6 I work real close : )

Alice:

Your on!

Alice:

Thanks for last night! Sorry you had to get the night bus home I didn’t realise how late it had got! I must confess I didn’t know weather you were asking me out or not – I was all nervous and kept asking everyone!

Matt:

) That’s because I worded it vaguely as I wasn’t sure if you liked me and if you seemed not to then I could pretend it was just as friends all along!

You have to be the hardest girl to actually get physical contact with I know! It was gone 11 before we kissed!

Alice:

  • blushing lots * well I thought u had a girlfriend, I really told myself off for flerting with you!

Matt:

A girlfriend?

Alice:

Yeah Emma?

Matt:

Ah – I only went out with her for two weeks. I couldn’t stop thinking that I should have pulled you on that first night but I was too shy!

Alice:

We’ve both been donuaghts haven’t we?

Matt:

That’s for sure!

Alice:

Matt,

You are a great guy and deserve someone better than me – I’m afraid this isn’t going to work. I’m really sorry.

Yours Alice

Matt:

Alice whats wrong?

Don’t be silly you told me you loved me yesturday!

Matt:

Alice please answer your phone I’m getting worried now

Matt:

Alice this isn’t right I know somethings wrong – let me be there for you.

Matt:

Alice did the biopsy results come back? Is that’s whats wrong?

Alice:

I’m fine, everythings fine, leave me alone we’re over get over it!

Alice:

I’m really sorry about how I reacted.

Thanks for coming over, how did you know the tests were positive? I could still kill my roommate for letting you in though!

Matt:

Hmmm, let me see – the fact you wouldn’t answer your phone, being irrational etc… sending me txts saying I deserved better!

Alice:

I’ve tried phoning and left messages but if your in a meeting I know that this is the quickest way to reach you and I couldn’t wait!

The second lot r clear!!!! : ) : ) : )

I’m in remission!!!

Matt:

Hun that’s great – I sneak out of here at first opotunity!

  • hug *

Matt

This Uneasy Eden

September 29th, 2011

redator in the Coral Jungle
Abundant, hungry
Always hungry
Prey in the Coral Jungle
Scared, in fear
Always in fear
A paradise of perpetual hell
An edge world
Finely balanced
Between the starving
And the eaten

Make it paradise true
Shift the paradigm
Remove the predator
Remove the hunger
Remove the fear
Remove the edge
The prey rejoice
No longer scared
No longer hunted
Rainbow flashes
Flitting everywhere
And killing
They kill
This Uneasy Eden

Bleached to the bone
Rainbow seas
White skeletons
Ghosts of what was before
No hunger
No fear
No life
In this Uneasy Eden

Alphabet Soup

September 22nd, 2011

Alphabet Soup (first published on Turquoise Monster)

My mind is swimming in alphabet soup
Letters clog the synapses
And punctuation tears at my lobes
Syntax is setting down roots between the hemispheres
Hard curved consonants fill the ventricles
Soft airy vowels stuff the cortex
Metric metre measures all the gaps
Structure breaks the blood brain barrier
Shooting me through with toxins
Plot devices prize the axons loose
Verbs block the sodium pumps
Nouns hook the cytoplasm with protein strings
Adjectives pour water on the myogenic pulse
Similes smiles full of teeth at the hypothalamus
Metaphor morphs grey matter
So that I may not think clear distinct thoughts
Now I am drowning in alphabet soup
Now I am the alphabet soup
And now I am eating the alphabet soup
My mind is swimming in alphabet soup
Now I am drowning in alphabet soup.

Celestial Montage

September 15th, 2011

This one first prize in it’s category for the European Space Agency Create Your Own Space art comp.

Celestial Montage ESA_space_inspiration

Did Life fall into this cradle
This Earth, this home –
We now attempt to climb out of?
Or is it more than a cradle
Some crucible or potters wheel
Shaping and baking us in forms renewed?

Maybe in truth it is a bit of both
And as humanity takes its first toddler steps
We begin to see the variety that our world holds

LIFE –

Life here investigated
In case of alien brethren
Life searched for by the heart if not the mind
As the astronaut steps out into the void
For themselves, for us, for a future
A future – As yet unknown
A future for us all
As we grow too large for this world to contain
A cradle we have explored from end to end

But it is only with eyes freshly opened
To the wonders beyond
That we begin to see what we have missed
That which hides in plan sight
The beauty of our world
We seek its twins, our mirrors –
Its twisted folly of form

OUT THERE

And if we are on our own?
Then look at the wonders the search has wrought
And if we are not?
Then maybe we will truly see ourselves
For the first time

Until then the void is calling
And all these things?

These investigations
These satellites
And images –
Are our jumping off point
Our call to the unknown

Do you wonder what it will answer?

Picture a Story 2

September 7th, 2011

Two more pictures for budding writers to write from if they wish 🙂 I have already written one story to go with these 🙂

Moles Whole

Snow Cow

The Ranger

September 1st, 2011

The Ranger (first published on Blue Monster)

The smell of bacon permeated the room as Sandra sat contemplating the day. It was too early and too wet to want to do anything much other than sit there in front of the mock fire with her fluffy slippers but unfortunately she had to go to work.

The bacon would soon be crispy beyond her liking so she stirred herself to make the much-coveted breakfast roll. She was starving and the day would entail lots of cold and damp and wet. It was days like this when she wished she had an office job – hell even a day job would be preferable.

Instead she found herself a warden of quite a lot of woodland. She would say she hated it but she didn’t. She would say she wanted a desk job but she’d tried that and almost died of boredom. She would say she was lonely but how could she be when she had the deer and badgers, the rabbits and, though she was trying to exterminate them, the grey squirrels. Then there were the birds that squalled and twittered and cheeped and cooed, their shapes silhouetted so serenely against the sky, regardless of the life and death struggle that may be occurring.

The trees even kept her company with the smell of sap rising – all tangy and sweet and the whisper of the breeze through the canopy.

No, the woods were her home now – they had always been really. So she would get cold and damp but it meant that she could eat a bacon butty in the morning and not get fat and it meant she appreciated the warmth far more. It made everything mean more.

Sandra zipped up her waterproof and grabbed her dripping butty. She opened the door to the incessant drizzle, sighed and went out to work.

Strawberry Wax

August 25th, 2011

Ulga stared at Mr Thomason from where she had fallen, his punch did not show, did not mar the beauty of her young face. Her school bag lay covering her indecency, the skirt was too short and her shoes too mature a style. He turned away from accusing green eyes. ‘You will not wear such clothing to school, it is a uniform not a place to strut and preen.’ He heard her shift and start to get up. Fury filled him. How dare she!

‘Sir?’ she asked quietly and he almost turned.

‘You need to go home and change,’ he said. the strain of not strangling the pretty neck made his voice shake. He’d seen her with that Dean boy, them laughing. Seen him reach over to kiss those lush lips.

She wasn’t going though, she was standing there behind him, too close, far to close for here, some one could come down the corridor at any moment. ‘I know you love me,’ she purred in his ear, sickness washed his stomach cold. ‘I know what that means sir.’ She stood away from him and he turned to stare, she was clutching her bag and blushing, the coyness of before gone, had he imagined it?

She looked down shyly, ‘I will lay through your personal lessons sir, as many as you want, I… but punch me again, or touch my stomach ever and I will tell everyone what Sir does to his favourite student, the school and the press wont care that I am a orphan or that I was almost 16 before you touched me.’ She looked up at him, burning. He took a step back. She stepped forward and pushed up on her toes. She kissed his open mouth, strewberried wax. And she was walking away. The click of her little heels on the laminate. She had never stood up to any one before. He wondered what had happened to make her suddenly so stronge.

He would kill her, he wouldn’t mean too, he had always just been so angry and the more he loved them the harder he hit them, the colder he was. And he had never loved anyone as much as he did her.

Lost

August 18th, 2011

The air was thicker here somehow, Ashly tried to think rationally. Pain lanced through his body and he knew another one of him had died. Obliterated, gone and lost forever, no relief that it wasn’t him just the dull ach that it always left. How long? How long now had he been living this nightmare?

He looked at his hands, so thin from lack of food, skeletal, maybe he was nothing more than an amimated corpse these days. The too thick air seemed to shift over him his hand grew bigger in the strange lensing effect that had originally given him motion sickness. But that had been when he first arrived. He was so tired now, the will to continue was flagging, he was too numb to cry there was just a numbness where his feelings should have been. He lifted his leg slowely, it was such an effort, like it weighed more than the rest of him. The thick air clogged his lungs making him breath all the more erratically.

One step at a time, that’s all he had to focus on and the only mission he had left, one step at a time. Its was all he could manage in any case.

How big was this place? He had been pondering that one for a long time, something kept nagging at him but he couldn’t grasp hold of what ever it was. He was sure he was mad, this had to be some sort of delusion brought on by post traumatic stress but that didn’t really help did it? Even if it was a delusion he couldn’t wake up from it and had to live all the trials maybe if he passed the test he would awake in a hospital somewhere… somewhere safe.

A mental ward, hell even a prision seemed like heaven to him. Ashley shivered as the air begain to crystalis out around him, wronge he though but couldn’t think. He ducked out of the cloud of sharp needles that had grown, they where ice, he had only narrowly escaped them on that first day – the air would just suddenly starts to turn into little needles of ice. He thought on it, thought of the could it always brought, well of course it was ice wasn’t it? Something was wronge with that, he knew it but couldn’t place it.

A small red bubble floated slowely past his face in a gentle upward dance as if on thermals invisible to the eye. ‘Shit!’ he followed a trial of smaller red spheres to the cut on his leg, he hadn’t got out of the thick air quick enough, it was only a small cut though but with little food and virtually no sleep any cut tended to keep bleeding. The fog of ice smothered air cleared as he ripped another stip of his tattered green jump suit, he attended the cut in a clinicially detatched way. He was so physically numb now that it didn’t hurt anyway.

He looked around him in this moment of clarity, the walls where visible. The walls! Where they always walls? He wasn’t sure, he really wasn’t but he thought that they had been something else last time he saw them, what? Asked his mind sonically. He trembled with lack of sugur, his vision swum before him, the walls where so old, and yet they looked so like those he had travelled through to get to college, then to work. There was even remnants of graffiti covered in brown slim stagligtites. His brain refused the conclusions that it found. Logic fell to pieces. All his knowledge, all the physics, all the chemistry, it all equated to nothing here. Where was here anyway?

He jumped, the screaming had started again, ratterling around him, some how he was a part of this scream, it was carried on by his physical form, he felt the pressure of the sound wave, felt himself relocate whist somehow not moving, his mind jurked and he fell heavily to the ground.

A cloud of fine grey ash plummed up around him making him cough and splutter. The ash was gritty in his mouth and this he knew to be wronge too. He sat up hunked back on one heel, something had glinted in the grey dullness. He raked his fingers through it hating the dry feeling it engendered in his fingers, how the the ash caked to his skin sucking out any moisture. He coughed again and little droplets of spittle landed in the greyness the ash clunging to the outside of the little liquid spheres.

Ashley’s brian screamed in defience of the inconcistantcy with the blood drops floating away. His fingers caught something, the fragile gold chain the links too small and too high a purity of gold, they where neated on his fingers, his heart thumped heavily in his chest, he knew this chain. To fragile a thing, he had said that once hadn’t he?

Booming thunder seem to render any thought impossible but still he raked the ash for the locket he knew must be there. The locket, please god don’t let me find it, not here, not now, was his only coherent thought.

Time shuddered and the ash begain to rise around him suffocating him Ashly scrambled to his feet, the chain gasped tightly who knew what this ment but the realisation was too much for him.

‘Annabell!’ he chocked into the suffocating ash.

His Annabell, his love and the lockette she’d chosen – there had been a fire? Hadn’t there, a fire and ash, ashy ruins rising to consume him. Racking through their home, they said she might not have been home -the lockette.

He looked at the neckless gritt scoured his eyes away, the hells opened before him, memory fleeting, insurance claims can go very wrong. The argument – she’d found out and gone home to save it – hadn’t she?

‘Annabell,’ he screamed chocking and drowning in bubbles of ash.

Show Girl

August 11th, 2011

Every night I prepare for my death, every night it is the same, I feel no panic as I sink into myself. I feel nothing but sensation, not good nor bad just sensation. Now it is the slip slide of stockings over my legs or the roughness of the heavy sequins as I shift the dress around me. I steam my hair into curls and lay wax upon it to hold it’s shape. I remove a feathered head dress all fluff and glitz and place it with precision upon my head.

The candles flicker around the mirror and distort my reflection, it is a parody of self and I am in mourning for the person I could have been… but that time is gone now and all there is is this. I brush colour onto my cheeks and smear grease on my lips, my eyelashes are sharp form black gloop that hardens.

And I am almost there, almost ready to face my death. I slip my small feet into sparkling jewels of shoes, the sort that it is better to pretend you are not wearing and just be a ballet dancer for the night. ‘Are you ready?’ comes the gentle question and I nod not daring to look into his eyes in this moment for if I did both our resolve would melt and neither of us could face what awaits.

It is show time. We whirl onto the stage, the lights are hot and glaring and smell like burning bone to me, I smile at the audience I can not see and skip to my postion. I bend and contort and hear the wows, I provide the rings and flags and hat for him and our dance continues. My death is drawing nearer and we are both intensely aware of each other in this mirage of play. These acts, this false hood could be the last things I know and so I glow with the awe of it and win the hearts of those beyond in the darkness.

He saws me in half but that is nothing, not to someone as flexible as me but the audience sigh at my apparent demise and applaud at it’s reversal and the real death hovers over me – waiting, and I can taste the tang of blood in my mouth already.

Doves fly into the rafters and we stare at each other, it is now time and the tank is wheeled in, I am tied and trussed and knots checked and I know those knot and feel the binding is tight but have had worse and I sigh internally as I am lowered into the water. It is not cold mearly tepid so that I do not go into shock. I have a glimps of the theater through mermaids eyes as the curtain closes around me and I am there with a lung full of air that will begin to burn soon.

My hands begin there work automatically and my mind wonders to the plain of self. The memories and reasons for this creep up on me and the greatest danger rears it’s head. Why struggle? Why keep going? I could just let the water fill my lungs, but I don’t I keep going with the wriggling and bending and my hands are free. I pop the key out of my mouth and reach into the little opening – too small and slight to be noticed, to far away and at an awkward angle for any normal person to reach. But I am not normal my joints bend the wrong way and a dislocated shoulder is nothing but mild burning to me.

It clicks and I am up and out my crown of feathers left in the tank, I pose and the curtain lifts. The rapture spills over me, the noise of the audience pulls at me and make me want to strut and crow and bash in my head in shame.

I face my death each night and for him it is for the jollies of the audience for me it is penance – the first time I faced this… this death I escaped but I could not save the others, I did not in truth try I just flew to the surface to breath and cough up blood and they… they all burned to death in their chests with blood mixing with the water and I swam and left them there for the fishes.

One day maybe the people who killed my village will spot me in the city lights and maybe they will come for me, it does not matter for every night I face my death and this act is just a reprive to break the monotony whilst I await to join those I left behind.